i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize