Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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