My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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