Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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