she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
