the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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