I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
