If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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