Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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