i love accidental penises.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
