morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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