they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize