You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
