I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
