it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
