"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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