One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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