It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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