im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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