I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
