Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
