South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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