I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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