Your tits are I can't wait for
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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