Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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