I seem to have left my pride at pride
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
