before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
