I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
