My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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