My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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