May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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