Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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