it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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