Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Hippo gnu deer
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
