Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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