I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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