we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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