I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
