By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
