My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
