Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
