Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
