D3 body, D1 cock
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
