You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
