every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
