the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize