how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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