Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
