Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My feet surprised me
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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