If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
