last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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