He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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