mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
