I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
