I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
