i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
