Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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