i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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