in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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