Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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