dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
