THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
