he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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