I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
