dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
