Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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