I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She bit a glass in half.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
