She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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