absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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