I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
