dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
